When the word ‘Forgiving’ comes to mind, who do you think of? What is holding you to your past?
To truly understand forgiveness, love needs to be understood. Love is an unconditional feeling, where you are attached to the other person. Do you know what is the opposite of love? Most people immediately say “Hate”.
Actually that is the wrong answer, because hating someone still means having feelings for him/her. Hate means that you still want the other person to understand and have a change of heart. Hate means that you are still allowing the person to wander about in your mind, in hopes of things getting better.
Hating someone is like taking the poison yourself and expecting the other person to die. Like love, hate is a powerful emotion; it is also a restraint that can have a harmful effect on the person’s body, heart and mind. Love implies that you are attached to the person; similarly, Hate also implies that you are just as attached to the person as you were when you loved the other person.
Hate does not help you move on with your life.It leaves you feeling stuck and stagnant.
The opposite of love is INDIFFERENCE. When the feeling of love has completely disappeared and you have no feelings left for that person or situation, you feel indifferent. This usually results with you feeling peaceful and relaxed about the situation.
It is confusing to many people, while making the distinction between LOVE and INDIFFERENCE: love is an intense feeling that creates attachment, similar to hate, whereas indifference is a state of neutrality, with no attachment.
So, when you are thinking of the above question, the ideal situation would be to come to a state of indifference. Your next question would be: “How do i attain indifference, when this person has hurt me, damaged me, left me with a lot of anger and without any answers? What did i do to deserve this?”
The answer to that is FORGIVENESS. A simple 7 step process will make things simpler for you.
It definitely sounds very rosy and makes you feel nice to say it, but it seems really difficult to let go.
1). Talk about what you felt and feel to a few trusted people, whom you know will listen and not react by agreeing with whatever has happened and term it ‘wrong’. People who react like that are encouraging you to feel victimized.
2). Commit to yourself that you will give yourself a day of self pity, but then you will focus on feeling better. Be willing to let go, do not force yourself to let go.
3). There is a tendency to believe that by forgiving that person, you are also forgetting the action done against you. Forgiveness i for yourself,for you to feel at peace. It does not need to be told, “I forgive you”.It can be done mentally.
4). Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your distress is coming from your HURT feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what or who offended or hurt you 2 minutes-10 years ago.
5). Before you forgive the other person, forgive yourself for putting up with the painful experience. Take some time out to love yourself, pamper yourself.
6).Put yourself in a positive frame of mind, by choosing to see what benefit you got from this experience. There will always be a positive side to every experience. Be in gratitude for that person/situation for giving you that learning.
7). Affirm “I choose to forgive all my past, hurtful experiences”.
There is a saying that goes: “To err is human, but to forgive is divine”; on the contrary you cannot move on to the future, while hating and holding grudge against someone in your past. Forgiving is needed for you to move on with your life.