Respect is an important pillar without which a person can feel used or taken for granted,leaving the relationship in a state of conflict. Respect is a very heavy word that is used quite easily by people these days. Being respectful is a quality that everyone has in different forms in different areas of life. Respect is defined as having a positive feeling of esteem for a person. People tend to believe that they are genuinely respectful about things and people all the time. This is not true. Everyone tends to value certain qualities of people or qualities in a certain situation. Think about it!
Do you respect your spouse entirely for who he/she is as a person? OR do you value certain qualities of that person, which make you feel this person is perfect in this regard and you cannot go to that same person, when it comes to certain things?
Do you respect your parents entirely with all the good and bad in them OR do you just value and cherish what you like, while you crib about the negatives in them?
Do you value and respect yourself at all times OR are there days when you berate yourself, put yourself down and feel like you are not worth it?
If you have agreed to any of the above questions, then you tend to have subjective respect. Subjective respect shows that a person is valued in certain things and the rest is taken for granted. The sections that are taken for granted or not valued become negative. Any negative connotation in the mind becomes more powerful than a positive.
Hence one is unable to have a healthy relationship which does not have conflicts based on mutual understanding and value.
Respect is not a state of mind that can change according to the situation present. Respect and value are beliefs that get inculcated in the first few experiences of a relationship.
Have you thought of ways that can create value and understanding in a relationship? Here is how you get started with a few:
- Write down the qualities of the people from your most important relationships. Write what you see as good and what you see as bad. Do the same for the relationship that you have with yourself.
- Think of situations when the bad qualities have worked to your advantage (Difficult to think, but not impossible!)
- Verbally/written expression or mentally say “Thank you, for being in my life. I value you, you are important to me” after realising that the other person is just another person with various possibilities in nature, which add value to your life.
- From there on , in conversation, be willing to listen to the other person and then express your opinion also whole-heartedly.
- Remember this Golden Rule: Treat people the way you want to be treated.
Self respect is equally important, start to love and value your body, your mind, your qualities and who you are as a person. You will start feeling confident , assertive, and happier in your life.